'Why do you dance?'

Happy Sunday everybody!

My Sunday has involved waking up aching whilst finding new bruises every 10 seconds. A heavy night out, you ask? Nope, as per usual it's from dance class.

A lot of my friends are very supportive of my dream of wanting to be a Dancer/Performer but it's somewhat surface level as we've never discussed it in-depth. They respect that it's what I do and support my work but they don't necessarily understand what it is about dance that inspires me so much to keep working. So, here's why I love to dance so much, for anybody who was wondering.

1. Escapism / Expression

Commercial Performance - Base Studios - Kimberley Collins & Molly Mcgibbon / Unapologetic - 2018. Song: Heartbreak Hotel by Alice Chater

This video is one of those moments where I realise how far I'd come. I was in a new class with new teachers and new people which would usually take me a while to adjust to. I noticed the change in my pick up speed in this class and it was great to enjoy performing rather than worrying if I was going to forget the choreography, so I'm proud of this one

(PS I'm on the far right in the yellow!)

This will sound cheesy but bear with me. Everybody expresses themselves differently: some with fashion choices, some with their personality, some with hobbies and some with their career. You can tell a lot about somebody from these things and how they choose to present themselves to the world. For me, creativity makes up about 95% of me and so performing, creating and expressing myself are things I physically have to do. I've wanted to perform since I was 3 years old and that has never wavered - I wanted this before I even knew how to verbalise it, really. I can be whatever I want to be in dance class, I can be extra, I can be sassy, I can be vulnerable, there is no judgement and everybody is being their authentic selves and supporting each other wholeheartedly.

Myself (and other dancers I know) get a horrible feeling when you haven't danced for a week or so - that feeling of pent-up emotion, the heaviness of the regular week weighing on you, life stress, anxiety, exhaustion... well, it all melts away when you dance. As a classic overthinker, one of the only times my brain gets a break is when I'm dancing. It's like that feeling when you get home after a horrendous day and put your pyjamas on and get into bed - it's comfort and the ability to step away from life for a little while and be authentically you.

2. Dedication / Progression

Jazz - Kingston University - Aimee Payne - 2015. Song: Real Love by Jess Glynne

This video is from about 3 years ago at University and it's one of the times I remember feeling happiest whilst dancing. I wasn't worrying, thinking and I was just having fun and smiling my head off. Seeing the difference in my technique here to today makes me feel proud of how far I've come but this was a real breakthrough time in dance for me.

I've always been a hard worker - I work hard academically, I love to learn and to push myself at things. One of the things that kept me so addicted to dance was actually how much work I needed to do, strangely enough. Having grown up a Musical Theatre kid, acting and singing were always my main focus. Dance was something that I was naturally skilled at but the dance bug didn't truly bite me until I was older. My natural talent helped me a lot with dance at college (studying Musical Theatre) and pushed me to wonder how much better I could be if I really pushed myself and put as much focus into dance as I did into my other disciplines. Once I began studying Dance at Uni, it hit me that I needed to work a lot. I could keep up with others but my lack of (consistent) formal dance training meant that my pick up speed, my ability to retain choreography and technique were behind others, which lit a fire under me to match this with my natural ability and back up what was already there with technique. I love to look back on old dance videos and realise how far I have come (like the one above). Sometimes progress is so slow that you can't see it in the gradual day to day but looking back inspires me to push further and wonder where I could be with a few years more hard work. The progression is addictive and gives you a sense of ownership and pride at seeing results - much like how the feeling of losing weight becomes addictive when you see the results.

3. Health

I'm talking all different types of health here. I'm not a health or fitness freak in the slightest and so I don't go to the gym, exercise or eat well (which is awful, I know). Dancing keeps me active, releases those endorphins, challenges my creativity and keeps me fit which are all important things that make me feel good. Mental health wise, dancing clears my head, gives me something else to focus on and makes me feel energetic, proud and confident afterwards. I can really feel the physical and mental effects if I don't dance for a week or so and that's how I know that even without realising, it, it has an effect on my physical and mental states. I stopped dancing for almost a year (biggest regret ever, to be honest) and I missed it so much. I lost so much of myself when I wasn't dancing but at least it fuelled me when I came back to work twice as hard, so I'm grateful for the time out.

4. Performance

CTC Mentoring Programme - Base Studios - Christopher Tendai - Jan 2018. Song: Into You Remix - Ariana Grande.

This is my showreel video which was taken as part of the Christopher Tendai Company (CTC) mentoring programme that I completed in early 2018. I'm so proud of this one because we had to improvise the whole thing and this was all done in one take with no rehearsal. I was especially proud because performing in front of a camera like this was new, everybody was watching and I had one take. Previously I would have panicked or forgotten to use my face but I stayed calm and was very proud of the growth that this programme had obviously given me.

I'm a classic performer stereotype. I'm loud, I'm chatty, I like to crack jokes and I feel comfortable in the spotlight. But performing is more than that. Being able to translate a feeling, a thought or an intention to an audience is an amazing feeling. Pre-show nerves, post-show high and working in a team of other like-minded people to produce art is a feeling that nothing else with ever compare to. That's why we work so hard and why we stay committed in the most difficult industry - for that feeling. It might be 2 years worth of difficult, gruelling hard work for 5 minutes on stage but even that is worth it. Performing is amazing and I fall more in love with it every day.

5. Sharing / Communicating

I'm a big fan of sharing. Feelings, thoughts, difficulties, experiences... I'm all about communication and being a performer is a creative way of expressing this, why is why I love it so much. Art is an incredible way to connect with others through storytelling and being able to touch somebody's thoughts or emotions through creativity never fails to inspire and push me. Even something that seems as shallow as posting a dance video on Instagram makes me happy - sharing what I love to do with others and having a friend tell me that even just for 30 seconds of their day, a video of me dancing made them smile is such a great feeling. It may sound egotistical or narcissistic but it's a way of communicating with people and involving them in your world and it's pushed friends of mine to be more curious about my passion and that's always a great thing. Social media platforms such as Instagram are so important for dancers these days so to be able to share and get involved in that is great (sometimes, but that's a whole other blog post). It's also pretty cool when the artist of the song you're dancing to gets involved and shares, comments on or likes the video so that's an extra boost to work hard.

6. Music

For those who don't know, I studied Dance and Music at University. Acting was always my main focus from when I was 5 until around 13. Then Music took over. I sing and play guitar, piano and drums and so music will always be my passion. When dance began to take over, I slightly shelved music but anybody who knows me knows how passionate I am about it, how much time I spend writing songs, playing guitar, finding new music and writing about all of it on this blog, of course. I can't explain the fire that is lit underneath me when I hear a song and I feel that need to dance. I have a list of 'dream dance songs' and when a teacher says that we're going to dance to one in class that day, it may sound pathetic but it lights up my entire week and makes me work even harder than usual. The link between music and dance is so important to me and I love that I can intertwine 2 of my biggest passions into one in dance class.

Well I hope you enjoyed having a window into my little dance-crazy brain and that even if you have no interest in dance, you found it interesting to hear about it from somebody who loves it.

If you want to keep up with my dancing and anything else that's going on, hit up my Instagram @amaaayj and get in touch.

Thanks for reading! x